NZ Herald: Why is it so hard to say sorry?

The journey from feeling offended to feeling aggrieved is alarmingly brief if the stakes are high enough. And if the source of grievance is in the family or at work, the proverbial stone in the shoe can become almost impossible to endure. Being told to “move on” or “be the bigger person” just doesn’t cut it and often makes the … Read More

NZ Herald: How to deal with young children using smart devices

Problems in life are relative, as we all know, and worries about how well a child has done in recent exams would be a comparative luxury for some of the parents who come to talk to me about their children. For Susanna getting her teenage son out of his bedroom, let alone to school, last term would have been a … Read More

Radio Live: How Best to get your Kids to ‘Unplug’

A recent UK poll shows parents are struggling to get their kids off their computers, tablets and phones. Counsellor and family mediator Jill Goldson discusses how to get kids off their devices on Radio Live with Tony Murrell.

Sunday Star Times: Smartphones – changing how we fall in love

For two and a half decades Jill Goldson has been picking through the dramas of the families and couples who come to her for help. Over that time the Auckland counsellor and family mediator has identified four issues that come up again and again as a source of relationship friction: money, sex, parenting styles and the inlaws. But very recently, … Read More

NZ Herald: How to host a Christmas Grinch

One of my clients recently described this season as a “white knuckled Christmas” for her – recently separated and struggling to manage her sadness, this is not a new story. All those cheery songs and festive parties can certainly stir up the feelings when you are newly separated, bereaved, undergoing strife or plain old loneliness. Even when we know that … Read More

NZ Herald: Christmas, a time for jealousy?

Just as we are downing tools in readiness for the typical holiday pursuits of relaxing, eating, drinking and hopefully making merry, an unbidden thought or two can sneak in. A young female client of mine recently said: “I feel sick and even angry as I watch friends plan lavish holiday celebrations and pack up for their baches. I never let … Read More

NZ Herald: When party season freaks you out

“Tis the season to be jolly” indeed, but what happens when you have to be jolly and you are terribly shy? Like my client Tilly* who speaks of her dread, not just of the looming office parties, but also of her reaction to the invitation from her new partner to his family Christmas party. “I can’t bear it,” she said, … Read More

NZ Herald: Is it possible to have no regrets?

Regret is a bit of a prickly cactus of an emotion. That backward-looking and rather unpleasant feeling where you blame yourself and wish you could undo the past – not to be confused with remorse (which is the guilt and disquiet we experience when we have hurt others by our actions). The hauntingly beautiful words of singer Edith Piaf, “Non, … Read More

NZ Herald: Why the pursuit of happiness is flawed

Everyone wants to be happy and for their loved ones to be happy. The quest for this Holy Grail has exercised the minds of philosophers, priests and poets throughout the centuries. “I’m terrified of waking up in mid-life and discovering that I’m not happy” is a theme I hear often from my clients. The anxiety about negative feelings seems to … Read More