NZ Herald: What’s the biggest relationship killer?

Of all the difficult emotions we know so well in life, there is one particular rogue which can stalk our relationships like the proverbial bad witch at a wedding, sucking up joy and spreading poison in its wake: Resentment. And like all bad witches, this one has a lot of power to cast bad spells on your wellbeing. “We never … Read More

NZ Herald: Why women won’t ‘put a ring on it’

There is one thing that keeps me perplexed in my counselling practice and it is this: I see so many lovely, intelligent young women with good incomes, independent lives and loving relationships with friends and family. They love their partner and that love is reciprocated. The big and distressing dilemma though, is waiting for him to pop the question. The … Read More

NZ Herald: Give Peace A Chance!

In case it slipped past you, International Day of Peace was on Monday. Established in 1981 by the United Nations the day is commemorated by education and public awareness on issues related to peace. The New Zealand Human Rights blog suggested we mark the day in our homes and communities and asked “who will you make peace with?” With all … Read More

NZ Herald: Seven warning signs you’re in a dangerous relationship

Unfortunately, it’s not news to any of us that the track record of domestic violence in this country is appalling. A Ministry of Justice document released just this month indicates New Zealand has one of the highest reported rates of intimate partner violence in the developed world. Last year police attended over 100,000 family violence incidents. On average, a family … Read More

NZ Herald: Why men and women deal differently with being dumped

Why do breakups feel so uniquely and universally hideous? They make you question yourself and your ability to maintain a relationship. You grieve the loss of the person who – until now – was the closest to you. It is, at least initially, a bleak space to be. Recently, social research was revealed about the way men and women deal … Read More

NZ Herald: 7 tips for co-parenting

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have brunch with their kids every Sunday even though the celebrity couple have split. Every so often, snippets of celebrity advice carry some nuggets of value, and there is no doubt that Paltrow sets a good example here. Quite simply, children who have parents who are separated but cooperative will do better than those whose … Read More

NZ Herald: Ignore stray-at-home dad propaganda

You may have read an alarming article warning women about the “stray-at-home-dad” effect. Househusbands, it asserted, are more likely to have affairs because “engaging in infidelity may be a way of re-establishing threatened masculinity”. And because, according to Dr Helen Fisher: “The type of man who chooses to stay at home is biologically wired to have an affair… he will, … Read More

NZ Herald: Do you listen to your inner bully?

The strength of naming our vulnerability “I’ll never find anyone”, “I always look frumpy”, “I’m just not good enough” – and on it goes. Most of us are familiar with the inner critic – some days “inner bully” is a better name for the voice upstairs. We all have bad days and whether we can self soothe and regulate that … Read More

NZ Herald: Does he compare me to his ex?

A recent email to me from a young woman confided that she is driven crazy by intrusive thoughts of her partner’s ex and how she believes he must be comparing her. She went on to say that not only had she met his ex – and found her to be beautiful and accomplished – but that also at the start … Read More

NZ Herald: The one thing that could transform your relationship

When the going gets tough with our partner, one may want to try counseling. But quite possibly our significant other will shrink away from anything that could be seen as therapy, creating another disagreement. What happens when you know you love your partner but circumstances seem to be conspiring against you? All that dredging up from the past, all those … Read More