Often clients tell me they always seem to choose the same type of partner with similar and disastrous results. Of the many things that can wreak havoc in a relationship, considering the way we attach to those we love can create a focus and get rid of a lot of confusion.
Attachment is the glue that keeps us together, as John Bowlby, eminent British psychologist, substantiated in his work last century. His influence on psychology changed the way that child development is viewed and it is well known that, as day follows night, our adult relationships are influenced to a great extent by our childhoods.
It’s all about survival. Nature has ensured our brain chemistry is highly sensitive to patterns of attachment laid down in the first two years of our lives. So before we blame our partners for every problem we seem to keep encountering in our relationships, it’s useful to have a look at what else might be going on in the mix.