When the going gets tough with our partner, one may want to try counseling. But quite possibly our significant other will shrink away from anything that could be seen as therapy, creating another disagreement.
What happens when you know you love your partner but circumstances seem to be conspiring against you? All that dredging up from the past, all those insults that make you feel as small as an ant, but which cause you to roar like a lion with the terrible unfairness of it all. And now you are being asked to lay it all bare under a psychological microscope, wielded by a stranger who might just take sides, who might not see your point of view and who might gang up and blame you.
Top reasons people avoid counseling:
• Don’t want to be blamed for everything that is wrong
• Believe couples should be able to sort out their own problems
• Don’t think it’s so bad – “so it must be you who needs help”
• Costs too much – and it’s not going to do any good anyway
So the idea of fronting up to counseling – and feeling exposed and vulnerable – can be about as attractive as pulling teeth. And when things are rugged, there is often a feeling of being misrepresented by the person we are supposed to be closest to. That very person who is supposed to have our back is not only misreading us but they also suddenly want us to come and talk about it all – to lay it all bare and to be put under the spotlight.