Why do we feel so down when we get a whiff of rejection? We know in our hearts that we can’t like everyone who likes us – just as everyone we happen to like can’t like us.
Remember those agonising days as a school child – cross-legged on the asphalt playground – when you were the last to be picked for a team – or worse still not picked at all – and told by the teacher that you can be a “reserve”. Ha, pull the other one – that didn’t fool us or salve the flame of hurt. Or what if you were not asked to a classmate’s party? Or not part of the cool group?
If you were to track daily happenings that flatten people’s moods, says Professor Mark Leary, Psychologist at Duke University in Durham, rejection will be Suspect Number One at the core of any mood problems.
Rather than beat ourselves up for being over sensitive, its important to understand that nature designed us to be vigilant about rejection, says Prof Leary. Our evolutionary history has designed us to be dependent on small groups of people – and getting shut out was dangerous as it compromised survival.