Why do breakups feel so uniquely and universally hideous? They make you question yourself and your ability to maintain a relationship. You grieve the loss of the person who – until now – was the closest to you. It is, at least initially, a bleak space to be. Recently, social research was revealed about the way men and women deal … Read More
NZ Herald: Ignore stray-at-home dad propaganda
You may have read an alarming article warning women about the “stray-at-home-dad” effect. Househusbands, it asserted, are more likely to have affairs because “engaging in infidelity may be a way of re-establishing threatened masculinity”. And because, according to Dr Helen Fisher: “The type of man who chooses to stay at home is biologically wired to have an affair… he will, … Read More
NZ Herald: Do you listen to your inner bully?
The strength of naming our vulnerability “I’ll never find anyone”, “I always look frumpy”, “I’m just not good enough” – and on it goes. Most of us are familiar with the inner critic – some days “inner bully” is a better name for the voice upstairs. We all have bad days and whether we can self soothe and regulate that … Read More
NZ Herald: Does he compare me to his ex?
A recent email to me from a young woman confided that she is driven crazy by intrusive thoughts of her partner’s ex and how she believes he must be comparing her. She went on to say that not only had she met his ex – and found her to be beautiful and accomplished – but that also at the start … Read More
NZ Herald: The one thing that could transform your relationship
When the going gets tough with our partner, one may want to try counseling. But quite possibly our significant other will shrink away from anything that could be seen as therapy, creating another disagreement. What happens when you know you love your partner but circumstances seem to be conspiring against you? All that dredging up from the past, all those … Read More
Not therapy per se, but a dispute resolution with a therapeutic outcome
When the going gets tough with our partner, one of us might want to try counselling but quite possibly our significant other will shrink away from anything that could be seen as therapy. Creating yet another disagreement. What happens when you know you love your partner but circumstances seem to be conspiring against you? All that dredging up from the … Read More
NZ Herald: How to deal with passive aggressive people
The angry smile, the quiet attack – we all know the personality type. But it takes a while – and often many sleepless nights – to work out that we have one in our midst. This individual might be a partner, a romantic interest, a social contact, a colleague, family member or friend – or maybe even ourselves. Often described … Read More
NZ Herald: How to get over heartbreak
So we’ve got through Valentines Day – a lot of my clients talk about the emotions this day triggers for them. Whilst it is the second most popular card sending day after Christmas – and many see it for the commercial rort it likely is, – the newly heartbroken may be excused for feeling that on that day Cupid threw … Read More
NZ Herald: What are the rules of cheating?
When I was five-years-old and at a birthday party my best friend ripped off more wrapping paper than allowed in pass-the-parcel and won the prize. The memory of my molten outrage at his cheating is still vivid. We are hard-wired to detect injustice – and that surge of outrage and pain is always so much worse when the cheater was … Read More
NZ Herald: How to deal with self-absorbed people
My sister-in-law is driving me crazy with her endless need to talk about herself. I am starting to feel like I don’t even exist when I have to relate to her and I am starting to feel very resentful that my life is apparently of no interest at all to her. I think many of us have been through an … Read More