Children are typically damaged by the family court system. Would we allow medical procedures on children which we knew put them at risk? Not unless there was no alternative – surely?

We know that high conflict damages children and that the resist/refuse contact with a parent can result as a child struggles. We also know that parents can – and do – influence or “actively alienate” to create a wholly negative view of the other parent to the child. We know that the results of this are catastrophic. Parental alienation which is severe and intentional is coercive control  – and is domestic abuse.

 

In 2021 new legislation was passed (The Family Court Supporting Children in Court Legislation Act).A bit of a mouthful – but the main issue is that law now makes it a duty to involve children. There is a significant difference between child participation in mediation and being represented by a lawyer in court.

 

The research outcomes of  children in mediation are  hugely positive and widely published. My own published research in 2006 repeated the outcomes from other jurisdictions. NZ has lagged behind – and still we wait. We are now told “after the summer break” proper child involvement will happen in mediation. Why the wait?  

 

Child participation in mediation must go beyond simply relaying “the voice of the child”. At last, we have a hard won opportunity to have non legal and highly trained professionals to communicate to the parents what is happening for their child.

 

The original legislation for mediation  was passed in 2013 – making it mandatory to attend mediation before a case could be heard in court. Very few families picked it up. There was confusion, little information, and sadly, too many parents  took legal advice and leapfrogged into court,” without notice”, meaning the other parent was not informed. They did this on the exemption that their case was urgent because of abuse. Abuse is serious, safety needs to be the priority and only a fool would argue otherwise. Only a fool, however would argue that joining of a long queue for court processes with all the known damage to children, is without danger.

 

Very rarely is the case in question referred back out by the judge to mediation. Instead, we see Round Table Meetings, Lawyer for Child appointed, Directions Conferences timetabled. All in a clogged up court system which is slow, damaging and expensive.

 

So the legislation has been passed – when will we see actual movement to have families worked with in a pre court setting with professional family mediators? When can we start working to ward off the worst outcomes of alienation before it has a chance to take hold? Have you seen any marketing about this intervention?

 

Mediation is fully funded below a certain threshold; at under $500 per parent for 12 hours of mediation, this is less than a fraction of the cost of drawn out court processes and legal representation. The value of protecting children from being caught up in high conflict is beyond price.

 

We need to replace the widespread confusion about child participation in mediation and not allow it to be seen as an opportunity for a child to be pressured to take sides. Children need their parents to know how they feel – and why. Professionals trained in the subject  of child participation need to sensitively listen and to relay the child’s psychological position back to their parents.

 

No legal order will come close to the ability of both parents to understand the attachment between the other parent and the same child.

Practiced professionally, this work can make a massive difference if government policy stands up for children and parents right now, in an already funded intervention which is just waiting to be implemented.