NZ Herald: The double bind

I can still vividly recall the searing sense of perplexed injustice, and lack of power, when my older cousin, aged 6, told me one Christmas, as I looked hopefully at his box of chocolates, “Ask, don’t get; don’t ask, don’t want”. Most of us have times when we find ourselves in what feels like the most impossible of situations, and … Read More

NZ Herald: The truth about people-pleasers

It is as true of life as it is of fiction: Nothing moves forward except through conflict. Or, to put it another way, conflict is the precursor to change. So the deal seems to be that if we want change, or if indeed change is upon us, conflict will be in the mix. As difficult as it is for any … Read More

NZ Herald: 60 minutes saga: The emotional toll on mother

We have heard in the past days that the child abduction charges in Beirut have been dropped against Brisbane mother, Sally Faulkner. In return she has given the father of her children, Ali Elamine, full custody rights to 5-year-old Lahela and 3-year-old Noah. The child abduction saga has spanned two weeks, and highlighted issues ranging from the difficulties Lebanese women … Read More

NZ Herald: When friends and family don’t like your partner

We all tend to seek social approval – even if we say we don’t. A career change, a new house, or the purchase of that rather expensive pair of shoes; it’s nice when our friends and family approve of our “heart stopping” decisions. But it pales into insignificance when the people we love, friends and family, actively disapprove of our … Read More

NZ Herald: How to rid your life of fear

I see two clear categories of clients in my practice. Those who come in to discuss how they are feeling, to understand why they feel the way they do. And those who come in reeling from a crisis that has reached a head. Often there’s an association with acute substance abuse, or major interpersonal problems. A recent US study of … Read More

NZ Herald: Why you find your partner so annoying

One minute it seemed your partner could do no wrong, and the next you find yourself gritting your teeth at the way he eats his cornflakes or tells the same jokes or never gets round to doing the things she promises to do. The range of reasons a partner can be annoying is wide and diverse – and typically it … Read More

NZ Herald: Why we care what other people think

The vast majority of conversations I have with my clients, and that’s hundreds of people every year, involve analysis of what other people think of them. Or what other people think about what they, the client, may be poised to do. Whether we’re talking about their desire to leave their partner, have an affair, or the fact they’re facing bankruptcy … Read More

NZ Herald: How to navigate new tech with kids

A client in the science world once gave me the statistic that our brain has 100 billion neurons with a quadrillion connections to it. What’s even more amazing, they said, is that the human race struggles to fully understand even a single cell. All very mind-boggling, and yet it is also the backdrop against which we must continue to manage … Read More