NZ Herald: Why a Lotto win raises the chance of divorce

The thought of coming into unimaginable riches was on many minds this week, as we waited to hear the outcome of the enormous Lotto prize draw. It’s easy to assume that tens of millions would catapult us into heaven on earth; not just make the world go round, as the saying goes, but make it spin. So why does this … Read More

NZ Herald: When does an offer for sex become harassment?

Here’s a scenario that may sound familiar: someone not generally considered to be in a position of power – a student, say, and female – propositions someone who technically does have power. A male lecturer, for example. The proposition? That he join her for a threesome somewhere exotic. She likes him and she wants to get to know him on … Read More

NZ Herald: Is a rebound relationship always doomed?

I have a client who has been struggling at the end of a long marriage. Recently, she came back to see me. In our discussions in the aftermath of her break up, she talked about how she felt nothing but pessimism and unworthiness. How she didn’t think there could ever be anyone else for her out there. In our latest … Read More

NZ Herald: How shows like The Bachelor trigger thoughts about managing heartbreak

She was the chosen one. From 23 women, Fleur Verhoeven was selected by The Bachelor’s Jordan Mauger as his “true love”. But just 72 hours later, Verhoeven had been dumped. Relationship expert Jill Goldson shares some advice for those who are struggling in the aftermath of a break up – unexpected or otherwise. Reality TV heartbreaks raise issues about how … Read More

NZ Herald: The double bind

I can still vividly recall the searing sense of perplexed injustice, and lack of power, when my older cousin, aged 6, told me one Christmas, as I looked hopefully at his box of chocolates, “Ask, don’t get; don’t ask, don’t want”. Most of us have times when we find ourselves in what feels like the most impossible of situations, and … Read More

NZ Herald: The truth about people-pleasers

It is as true of life as it is of fiction: Nothing moves forward except through conflict. Or, to put it another way, conflict is the precursor to change. So the deal seems to be that if we want change, or if indeed change is upon us, conflict will be in the mix. As difficult as it is for any … Read More

NZ Herald: When friends and family don’t like your partner

We all tend to seek social approval – even if we say we don’t. A career change, a new house, or the purchase of that rather expensive pair of shoes; it’s nice when our friends and family approve of our “heart stopping” decisions. But it pales into insignificance when the people we love, friends and family, actively disapprove of our … Read More