Here’s a scenario that may sound familiar: someone not generally considered to be in a position of power – a student, say, and female – propositions someone who technically does have power. A male lecturer, for example. The proposition? That he join her for a threesome somewhere exotic. She likes him and she wants to get to know him on … Read More
NZ Herald: Is a rebound relationship always doomed?
I have a client who has been struggling at the end of a long marriage. Recently, she came back to see me. In our discussions in the aftermath of her break up, she talked about how she felt nothing but pessimism and unworthiness. How she didn’t think there could ever be anyone else for her out there. In our latest … Read More
NZ Herald: Why are mother-daughter relationships so complex?
The mother-daughter relationship is especially complex: being mothered well, as with much of the roll of the dice in life, is a bit of a lottery. Some of us get lucky and some of us don’t. The myths and taboos about “dissing”, or naming difficulties with our mothers, only serve to isolate those women who have not been the beneficiaries … Read More
NZ Herald: How shows like The Bachelor trigger thoughts about managing heartbreak
She was the chosen one. From 23 women, Fleur Verhoeven was selected by The Bachelor’s Jordan Mauger as his “true love”. But just 72 hours later, Verhoeven had been dumped. Relationship expert Jill Goldson shares some advice for those who are struggling in the aftermath of a break up – unexpected or otherwise. Reality TV heartbreaks raise issues about how … Read More
NZ Herald: The double bind
I can still vividly recall the searing sense of perplexed injustice, and lack of power, when my older cousin, aged 6, told me one Christmas, as I looked hopefully at his box of chocolates, “Ask, don’t get; don’t ask, don’t want”. Most of us have times when we find ourselves in what feels like the most impossible of situations, and … Read More
NZ Herald: The truth about people-pleasers
It is as true of life as it is of fiction: Nothing moves forward except through conflict. Or, to put it another way, conflict is the precursor to change. So the deal seems to be that if we want change, or if indeed change is upon us, conflict will be in the mix. As difficult as it is for any … Read More
NZ Herald: 60 minutes saga: The emotional toll on mother
We have heard in the past days that the child abduction charges in Beirut have been dropped against Brisbane mother, Sally Faulkner. In return she has given the father of her children, Ali Elamine, full custody rights to 5-year-old Lahela and 3-year-old Noah. The child abduction saga has spanned two weeks, and highlighted issues ranging from the difficulties Lebanese women … Read More
NZ Herald: When friends and family don’t like your partner
We all tend to seek social approval – even if we say we don’t. A career change, a new house, or the purchase of that rather expensive pair of shoes; it’s nice when our friends and family approve of our “heart stopping” decisions. But it pales into insignificance when the people we love, friends and family, actively disapprove of our … Read More
NZ Herald: How to rid your life of fear
I see two clear categories of clients in my practice. Those who come in to discuss how they are feeling, to understand why they feel the way they do. And those who come in reeling from a crisis that has reached a head. Often there’s an association with acute substance abuse, or major interpersonal problems. A recent US study of … Read More
NZ Herald: Why you find your partner so annoying
One minute it seemed your partner could do no wrong, and the next you find yourself gritting your teeth at the way he eats his cornflakes or tells the same jokes or never gets round to doing the things she promises to do. The range of reasons a partner can be annoying is wide and diverse – and typically it … Read More